A Truly Satanic Adventure of Naruto and Sakura
by Kream45
Summary: A crack-story about Naruto and Sakura experiencing some really weird stuff on Halloween Night.


**A TRULY SATANIC ADVENTURE OF NARUTO AND SAKURA**

 **/Truly Satanic, indeed./**

 **/Just for your information, this story is pretty fucking stupid ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)/**

 **/It is highly adviced not to take this fic too seriously./**

 **/Oh, and the M rating is not for a show. It gets really fucked up./**

It was a late afternoon in Konoha. Sakura was staying at Naruto's house for the night. Naruto's dad was on a mission, and his mom was masturbating in another room.

Naruto and Sakura were sitting in Naruto's room, playing with Kushina's buttplug. Then Naruto realized that it was Halloween that day.

"OH MY FUCKING GOD!", he screamed, "It's Halloween today!"

"Oh fuck!", Sakura screamed and pulled the buttplug out of her anus, "We must ask your mom if she will let us leave tonight!"

Then Kushina appeared at the door.

"Forget about it, little shits!", she said, "You will stay with me inside. I'll sprinkle holy water on the door, so no demons will come to haunt us."

"But moooooom!", Naruto yelled, "It's just for fun!"

"That's right!" Sakura added.

"I won't let you participate in the dark festival of Satan!" Kushina said, "This whole Halloween's purpose is just to turn kids into little satanists, and make them join the cult of the king of devils, Satan!

"Mommy, are you fucking kidding me?" Naruto asked, "Kids don't care about any stupid satanic cult!"

"Kids just want to dress up as monsters, have fun, and collect candies!" Sakura stated.

Kushina shook her head, but she agreed in the end.

"Alright..." she said, "You can go. But BEHAVE! AND GIVE ME BACK MY BUTTPLUG!"

"Hurray!" children got happy and hugged Kushina.

They opened Naruto's wardrobe and took out their costumes (Naruto had Sakura's costume because he stole it some time ago, to sniff the part where Sakura's ass would be). Naruto dressed up as a devil, and Sakura dressed up as a vampire.

They waited half an hour until it gets dark and they left their house.

"I thought she wasn't gonna let us out, that cunt." Naruto spitted on the floor.

"I know right, lord Satan wouldn't be pleased..." Sakura nodded.

"We have to get so many things done tonight..." Naruto sighed, "Drain souls out of two people and sacrifice them to the Dark Lord, and cover ourselves with dog shit."

"Don't forget about hunting down and eating a black cat on a graveyard, and recruiting someone to join Satan.

"Yeah... the requirements get higher each year..."

"True, but what other choice we have? You don't want us to get kicked out from Satanic Church, right?"

"Of course not. Ok, come over here."

They approached some house and knocked the door.

Kurenai and Asuma opened and looked at them.

"Oh, look honey, Naruto and Saku... I mean, a devil and a vampire have visited us!" the lady said.

"I bet they want some candies? Wait a moment, I'll bring some!" Asuma said.

"Noo, there is no need, really." Naruto said, "Just offer your souls to Satan and it'll be okay."

"Hahaha! Such funnny kids!" Kurenai laughed.

"I think I'll give them more candies! Hahaha!" Asuma laughed.

Then Sakura opened her mouth and sucked their souls inside.

"Dafuq, what happened?" Kurenai felt weird.

"What have you done to us?" Asuma asked.

"Oh, nothing." Sakura replied, "I only drained your souls."

"Wut?!"

"They're still normal, but when me and my devil friend here sacrifice them to Satan, you won't go to heaven after death, but straight into Satan's stomach, who will eat you, to get stronger for the destruction of humanity."

"Oh, cool. But seriously, what did you do?"

"I farted on you."

"Oh, hahaha! Here, have these candies, and have fun scaring more people!"

Kurenai gave them some delicious, strawberry mousse candies, covered in chocolate. Then they said goodbye to Naruto and Sakura and the kids went their way.

Sakura put out Satan's picture from her pocket and farted on it. This way she sacrificed the souls she drained earlier.

"Okay, so we're done with draining and sacrificing souls." Naruto said, "Let's go and cover ourselves with dog shit now."

"Okay, and later we can go recruit someone to the black church.

They found a few dog shits lying on grass and smeared them into themselves.

Then some kids approached them. They were wearing various monster costumes, like skeletons, zombie, your mom etc.

"WTF, look at these idiots!" Choji shouted, "They're covering themselves with dog shit!"

"HAHAHAHA!" the kids laughed. Among them Sakura and Naruto noticed Choji, Shikamaru, Lee, Neji and Kiba.

Then Naruto cackled.

"You really have never seen the shit-smearing ritual?" he laughed, "Look at this!"

Naruto put his hand to the front. Then, a small shitball started forming in his hand and increased its size. After a while, Naruto shot the shit and it splattered on a nearby building's wall, leaving a big, brown shit stain.

"Wooww!" Kids dropped their jaws, "Such power!"

"How can I learn this?" Lee asked.

"Is this connected to your shit-smearing ritual?" Neji asked.

Naruto started explaining.

"That was a basic, first level shit jutsu, Shit Bolt." He said, "The shit jutsu can only be used during Halloween, but first, you have to activate it by smearing dog shit into you."

"OMG!" the kids were impressed.

"So it's Halloweed that turns shit into such power?" Kiba asked.

"No." Naruto replied, "The shit jutsu originates from Satan. Shit is, next to fire and darkness, one of three main forces of Hell, and Halloween is the night of Lord Satan. Only Satan's servants may acces shit jutsu, and only on Halloween."

"Oh shit!" The kids screamed in excitation.

"But how to become Satan's servant?" Shikamaru asked.

"Exactly!" Choji exclaimed, "I want to try out the shit jutsu tonight!"

Sakura explained:

"You must go to a member of Satan's Church, with their rank being at least Priest. He will introduce you into the secrets of Hell and perform a Dark Mass for initiates. During the mass, you will have to make an oath to Satan. After that, you will be official recruits of Satan's Church, and after death you will become devils under Satan's duty."

"WOOOOOOOOOOOOWWWW!"

"Where can we find a Priest of Satan?!"

"From what I know, right now, there should be an annual mass in honor of Satan taking place right now, in a forest in the East of Konoha. If you hurry, you might get there before everyone disbands."

The kids ran to the forest happily.

"Well, we've just recruited like 5 people." Naruto noticed and got happy.

"To be honest, I was doubting we'd be able to recruit even one person." Sakura admitted, "Well, now only thing that's left is to hunt for a black cat and eat it on a graveyard, and then we can go back."

Then, from the bushes nearby, a black cat jumped out.

"LOL, a black cat!" Sakura yelled.

"Catch it!" Naruto screamed and they both ran to catch the cat.

Naruto and Sakura were casting Shit Bolts at the cat, but the cat was too agile, and it dodged every shit easily. Naruto got mad and used a second level shit jutsu – Shit Ball. It was a bigger version of Shit Bolt jutsu, which explodes on impact, covering the area around with shit.

The Shit Ball landed next to the cat, and the explosion launched the cat high up in the air.

"Oh no! Catch it before it escapes!" Naruto shouted.

Sakura used a third level shit jutsu – Shit Geyser. A huge shit geyser shoot out from the ground, which launched Sakura in the air. She was about to catch the cat, when she got shot in the arm by someone.

"AHARGharGHARGhARGhAGRhAGRhARHgAHRG!" Sakura howled in a devilish voice and fell on her face. The black cat ran away.

"Who's there?! Show yourself!" Naruto yelled.

Then he saw a person, coming out from the shadows.

"It's YOU?!"

In the light of a lamppost, Naruto's mom appeared.

"I knew you two were satanists." Kushina said, while reloading her revolver, "I only let you leave our house, so that I could find my old revolver in secret."

"What?!"

"I used to be a demon hunter 50 years ago. These bullets are made of silver, and blessed by the Pope himself."

"So what that they're made of silver?"

"Look at Sakura."

Naruto looked at Sakura. Or, at what was left of her, which was a pile of ash.

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" Naruto howled, and activated his devil form. He grew horns and a tail, and shit started leaking uncontrollably from his anus.

"HARHARGHGARHGRGHARHRGA!"

"Die, beast!"

Kushina shot a bullet at Naruto's snout, but he summoned a Shit Wall, a high-level shit jutsu, reserved only for devils and the most deserving servants of Satan.

The bullet got stuck in the shit wall, and Naruto jumped on her and raped her furiously, in the ass, all dry. He creampied inside and did the whole thing again. After a couple of times he got bored, and Kushina was exhausted.

Naruto was about to bite her head off, but he got shot in the head with a shotgun and died, and turned into ash.

"Oh, it's you!" Kushina smiled, while breathing heavily.

"Yes, it's me." Minato said, "I sensed the presence of Satanic power around."

"Yeah, I also sensed that power in my anus."

"Felt better than that buttplug I bought you?"

"Yeah, but too satanic in my opinion..."

"Hey, let's go destroy every satanist in Konoha, okay?"

"Okay, yolo!"

Then Kushina and Minato rushed into the forest, in the East of Konoha, and destroyed everyone. Even those kids, who came there earlier and were already smearing shit into themselves.

Lord Satan had no more power in Konoha. Since then, everyone who was practicing shit jutsu, was by force thrown into a rocket and sent for a one-way journey into space.

 **THE END**

 _To every Naruto fan out there – I'm so sorry_ ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)


End file.
